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New Location for Thought-life Connection meeting

September 21, 2014

We have moved to a beautiful, serene location in Encino, California Read more…

Living in Humility and the Keynotes

August 18, 2014

      Application for the week of August 13, 2014

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Calm, thoughtful reflection upon personal relations can deepen our insight.  We can go far beyond those things which were superficially wrong with us, to see those flaws which were basic, flaws which sometimes were responsible for the whole pattern of our lives.  Thoroughness, we have found, will pay- and pay handsomely. (page 80 Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions)  Apply the basic ingredient of humility this week by desiring to manifest God’s will, as understood by you, to build a new character, which can heal.  You will be brilliant because you will be acting with God.  Ask God to be with you say, God can you be with me and guide me right now?  The truth will set you free – we don’t live in damage anymore, we live in a healing world now.  We can live in both the 3rd and 4th dimension, by living passionately in the third dimension; and spiritually in the 4th dimension with our Creator  Practice also the keynotes.  Courtesy, kindness, justice and love are the keynotes by which we may come into harmony with practically anybody.  When in doubt we can always pause, saying, “Not my will, but Thine, be done.”  And we can often ask ourselves, “Am I doing to others as I would have them do to me today?” (page 93 Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.

Be happy,

Much love,

KC

Application for the week of February 13, 2014

February 12, 2014

February 13, 2014

Recontexturalizing our current relationships…

I love the word recontexturalizing because it is like giving our relationships a face-lift…  Creating the image that we’d like our relationships to be… Looking inside and asking our selves a real purposeful question:  “How have I been in my personal relationships with my friends, my family and the one I love, my lover?”  When I look inside I try to make a checklist:  Have I been nurturing lately?  Have I been looking at my relationships with the love that I’d like them to look at me with?  Have I been attentive to my relationships?

It’s always good to reinvigorate your relationships… When you’re walking throughout your day and someone strikes your consciousness and comes to mind – a family member, a friend or the person you’re in love with – this is an indicator of your inner voice telling you to reach out to them and express your love.   Express the thought; express the feeling that you just had with them in your mind.  This is what reinvigorates our relationships… This is what puts that pure juice back into those relationships. When it comes to family and friends, this is a great time to reinvigorate those relationships by calling out and saying, “Hey, I was just thinking about you and I want you to know how much I care about you.”  Your family members, it’s so important… We should never be afraid to let them know how we feel.  It is so important to express our feelings on a consistent basis… Not just once in a while on birthdays and holidays but on a regular basis.

It’s always important to look inside and ask the question of “How have I been toward my personal relationships lately?  What more can I do to add to them?”  One of the greatest gifts of personal relationships is collecting those Polaroid or Kodak moments, those images we have of family, friends and lovers that represent why we’re with them… The magic that we feel when we’re with them… This magic never dies… What we learn to do is keep the magic alive.  The magic is kept alive by putting thought-energy into our primary relationships… Positive thought-energy…

We have dynamic relationships because we build them.  It isn’t about what our partners do; it’s about what we do.

Think about the person you’re in love with… Are they as “good as gold” to you?  If you’re married or in a monogamous committed relationship, do you look at your partner and consistently remind yourself that they are as “good as gold?”  They can do no wrong in your eyes?  You uplift them… Right or wrong is not what it’s about; it’s about them knowing that they are supported 100% in whatever they are doing.  Have you considered what their emotional state is lately?  Have you said something positive or uplifting about what they do for you and how important they are in your life?  Have you put thought-energy into what they do for you and how important they are in your life?  These thoughts trigger great emotion, great passion and instigate passion back into all of your relationships.

But on a personal relationship with a lover, that person that you want to have that magical romance with, ask yourself a question again, “Have I been romantic?  Am I being romantic in my relationship?”  Have you become complacent?  Sometimes we get into a relationship, and after a time we don’t comb our hair as much… We don’t groom our selves as much anymore… We live with that person so we get comfortable and think “Oh, they see us this way all the time.”   But, I think that it is really important that the longer that you are in a relationship the more you should be looking at personal hygiene and etiquette.  You always want to stay appealing to your mate… But we drop these habits out of comfort and then wonder why we’ve lost the spark.  The spark isn’t lost because of what they are doing… Most of the time it is because of what we are doing.

The spark that you are looking for in your relationship is that spark that you must give to your relationship.

So, for your lover, look inside and find out what you can do to be more romantic, to be more passionate, to be more of a sexually appealing partner.  You should be bringing flowers to the one you love.  Maybe it’s what you do to uplift your mate by telling them to go enjoy their self, have a good time, give them a little freedom.  Women always love to be romanced… They love cards… Don’t just get a card and sign it… Get a card and write something in it from your heart… It doesn’t matter what it reads like, just so they know it comes from your heart and you put effort into it.  For both men and women, write something in your own handwriting that says, “I thought this out and I want you to know how I feel about you.”  Reassure your mate and let them know how much they mean to you, how important they are in your life, and that they’re the sexiest one in the world.  And guys, women always like to know that they’re beautiful, because they are!  The beauty really comes from you looking inside and recognizing all the beautiful moments you have together.

This thought-energy is so important in our personal relationships.  With Valentine’s Day coming up, don’t let that just be a time of “I love you, I love you, be my valentine.”  Let that be a feeling that you want to create every month. There should be one day a month where they are your valentine and you let them know why they are your valentine.

If you are lacking in your relationship and you see areas that are lacking or have gone a little flat, don’t expect your partner to spark them up.  You spark them up and you’ll trigger a spark in them.  Test it out today… Before you go home, as you’re on your way home, think about your partner and think about what you love about them… How much you like holding them, what is the greatest physical place you like to be with them in, what are their physical attributes that you enjoy… What are the attributes of their mind, the way it operates and the way they think that you love… What is it about their soul, their passion that you love…  And when you get home see if they haven’t picked up on your frequency… Make sure that you project the frequency that you felt when you thought about all of their characteristics that you’re attracted to in them.

Let your loved one know that you’re interested in their passion and they will reciprocate by letting you know they’re interested in your passion.  These are qualities in relationships that keep them exciting and sparkling.  Always carry a thought, too if you’re in a marriage or a monogamous committed relationship that you’ve been in for a while, that you are saying to this person, “I’m not going to be with anybody else.  I’m going to be with you, one day at a time, for the rest of my life as it stands.”  We don’t have to worry about the future, but what we do want to recognize is, “Am I treating my partner, today, as though I am going to be with them one day at a time for the rest of my life?”  And this helps us to recognize how to better interact with them, how not to take things so seriously, how not to be short-sighted.  Because we must recognize that we’re going to be with them one day at a time for the rest of our life, and are we treating them that way today?

When we’re looking at our relationship, if we want joy we must think joy into it.  If we want excitement, we must think excitement into it. Think exciting thoughts about them. What are some of the exciting moments you’ve had?  Recapture them!  Groom yourself a little better… We can always tighten our selves up.  Think about how you can present yourself better. Put on cologne or perfume at night, a nice little pajama outfit that looks appealing…   Just take it in your relationship and act like you just started dating… Why not?  How would it be if you just started dating them and it was the first 90 days of dating?  Resurrect some of those thoughts and feelings from then… Randomly give flowers, cook a meal… Randomly take acts that say, “I love you, you’re the one I’m with and I want you to know how special you are to me.”  This is how relationships get back into the energy of excitement because we recharge them all the time.  We look inside our selves and wonder, “What can I do to recharge my relationship? How have I been thinking about them lately?  Have I been thinking energetic, loving thoughts, sexual thoughts, connective thoughts?”  And when you think about those thoughts, don’t just think about them, act on them!  Make sure you make that expression…

Make your expression in your relationship and watch the magic take over and the spark reignite over and over again.

This is how we bring passion back into our relationships.  By putting passionate thought-energy into them, and taking passionate actions again.  Do something from your heart as much as you can… Don’t get down on yourself if you haven’t been attuning to it, but look at whether you have questioned your relationship or been uplifting it.  Get back on the uplifting part… Make a list of assets within your relationship… The things you love about them, the things that you really admire, and the things that make you physically excited about them.  Keep those active, and then let them know what your list is!  Make your own personal list about what you like about their mind, what you like about their body, and what you like about their soul.  And then let them know what that list is – slowly…  Feed them little pieces… Just take something off your list today and try it for a week… A week of great assets with your partner and each day tell them something special that you recognize about them and see what happens in terms of what you want in your life and your loving relationships.

Have fun.

Much love,

K.C.

This material is copyrighted and owned by Thought-Life Connection (TLC) and is not to be reproduced or used without the author’s consent. © 2010

Reflections

December 14, 2013

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Reflections

This is the time of year where there are a lot of reflections going on, a lot of thinking about what’s important to us and family; so it’s a great time to think about the friends that you have, and the people that you care about. You can make a special reach out to them, in terms of, expressing your love to them and thinking about them.  Before the holidays kick into full swing, give some people some calls, send some thought-energy in thinking about the people you care about, why you care about them; then, pick up the phone and let them know that you’re thinking about them, and how much they mean to you in your life.  Let them know how much you appreciate the relationship that you get to embark on, that you get to have, and how excited to see what both of your future’s hold.  As you do that, think about your relationships getting happier, and healthier; and in the future what they look like as they keep evolving in a more healthier way, for your life.  This time of year, always remember that family is always relative to what is in your environment.  Family has to do with friends, and they can become family, too, in terms of your relationships, so look at that and the quality.

Don’t ever feel lonely this time of year, this is the time of year where we’re supposed to feel full and not supposed to get sanctimonial, and think that we don’t have a family,  we’re not loved, and we’re all messed up.  This is the time of year to heal, and remember that there’s always something special for each and every one of us.  Look into our relationships, find that specialness, and express it to the people we care about.  It helps to bring it about by not just thinking about it.  People know how we feel, but really state how you feel this holiday season

Have fun,

much love,

KC

Creating personal family and friendship moments

December 3, 2013

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We always complain about creating close, personal family moments.  We seem to try to intellectualize why don’t we have deeper conversations, how come we never talk about real things; how come we never get into real issues, or just have a nice, quiet conversation about how to communicate, or how to be closer as a family.  We don’t realize, those are just a by-product of the moments that happen from spending time with our family just to spend time. Just going and shooting hoops with my kid can turn into an in-depth conversation, but if I don’t go and shoot those hoops, then there’s no moment after shooting.  You know, you go to shoot hoops, you sit for a minute and just transition; and that moment is that blank space where all possibilities can come together.  Maybe you see a bird, or you see something of depth in nature that strikes a reflection, strikes a moment that turns into a life changing, or life learning moment of deep soul to soul connection of what life is about, what are we here for; or how do we better ourselves as a family, isn’t it nice to have that family unit, or politics about the U.S. government, how our government operates. 

Nobody wants to set aside time to talk about our government, but when you get into a political conversation in the right mode, it can really tell you who somebody is, and where their perspective of life is about what the possibilities of human kind are.  So, you can get into those in-depth conversations with family, that’s what I love.  So, making sure that when we get those family moments, and we want those intense family moments.   We realize that they’re a by-product of spending time with our family, and participating in the family unit.  Conversations of depth and family moments take place in an intense way.

Even with your friends, when you think about your friends, it’s like why do great,  intense conversations happen late night?  They also happen in those in between zones when we have nothing going on, and we’re always talking to our friends, but you realize why we stay close is because we share those in between moments; those in between moments where nothing exists other than the intensity of that conversation.  Those in between moments where we’re not running from here to there, and we’re just making a transition from here to there, and it’s that moment where the ponderings of life can be there because there’s nothing going on and we seem to be in the moment.  We’re in a dialog with our friends all the time, and we fall into them all the time.  It’s frequency, the more you are with someone, the more opportunity you have to have those soul to soul moments, where you talk about the true essence of life, and you feel that connection to another human being and you get an idea of what it’s all about. 

What it’s all about is loving people and having loving relationships that signify such abundance, such joy, such intelligence, such creativity.  Our friends and our family represent the direct frequency of what we align ourselves with in life, and when you can spend time with all that, the positive interactions change and mold who you are.  It’s interesting how we are molded from our family moments, and each one of them stack up, and you can’t say which one of them is going to set the future, but you realize as you look back that it’s a combination of specific moments that just stuck.  They stuck and they changed me forever, that conversation gave me my value system.  That’s what we talk about when we talk about cultural and cross-cultural values.  That’s where we talk about inner family cross cultural values that come as a by-product of what you’re patterned with, realizing that the discipline of just spending time with family and friends; and recognizing the importance of love and the nature of love in our friendships and families, and just following that energy can make great things happen.

Have fun,

Much love,

KC

Surrender

November 8, 2013
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                             Surrendering
If I can deceive myself at a deep level, isn’t that what I’m really surrendering to? Isn’t what I’m really beginning to recognize in my life, in what I’m going to try to surrender to, is that I can lie to myself on such a core level that I can actually steer myself the wrong direction, and not know I’m doing it? At the deepest essence of who I am, I’m trying to be comfortable in the world that I live in, yet I can actually undermine my own life by lying to myself about what I’m doing, or why I’m doing something, where I’m going, why I drink, why I drank, why I’m upset, who I’m upset at? Everything in life that I think is the reason it’s disturbing me, what I think is disturbing me could be a lie because what I’m saying is disturbing me is coming from a justification inside of me of why it’s disturbing me, but what if that justification is a lie to my own self? What if, in fact, when I call a fellow alcoholic or drug addict and I say, “I think I’m going to drink, I feel like I’m going to drink;” and then even in that conversation, I say to him, “you know I’m not going to its just I’ve got this feeling I want to drink.” I never even understand that my motive behind that is to get sympathy and attention, and if I could just call someone and say, “You know, I could use some loving right now,” I would get exactly what I need without any bullshit. I would get exactly what I need instead of, “let’s go to a meeting,” that’s not what I need. What I really need is to just be reassured right now, and maybe have someone say, “you’re important.” I’m calling you because I care about you, and I think you care about me, so can you just reassure me and let me know everything is going to be okay right now because I could really use to hear that.”
Then the person can give you what you need, then a relationship can give you what you need; but when you go to that relationship and you say, “you know you don’t tell me I’m beautiful any more, or you don’t tell me I’m handsome any more.” You go to that relationship and say, “you know we don’t go out any more, we don’t go out and have any fun, where’s our spontaneity? It seems like we lost that spark, everything’s gotten flat.” What you’re really saying is, “how do I improve the quality of life because I’m lost right now, and can you help me to see a way to go; but you can’t say that to them because that would make you sound weak, and that would make it sound like you’re not coming from the right place, but you need help. That’s, in fact, what you need, but you can’t figure out that’s what you need because you’ve lied to yourself over and over and over again. So, you create a diversion so you don’t seem weak, that diversion is really named a lie, so what we do is create a lie, so we don’t seem weak. The lie is trying to give us what we want and what we might need but we use a lie to try to get it, so how can we get what we need if the venue in which we’re trying to get it is a lie? A lie can’t heal the truth. That which we need can’t be given to us because we’ve got a foot ache but we’re telling everyone that the pain is in our back. People keep treating our back and they’re like, “man I’m working and working on it, don’t worry about it you’re doing everything for your back that you should be doing, it’s going to get better; and they’re baffled as they’re trying to help you because you’re back isn’t getting any better, and they’re doing everything to help your back get better, which is in relationship to this disease.
They’re telling you to go to meetings, they’re telling you to talk to your sponsor, they’re telling you to stay open, stay honest, confess your faults, stay in touch with people, so you’re doing all that stuff, but you’re not telling them its your foot that’s killing you. So, they’re treating your back and in the disease they’re treating your craving but. it’s not the craving that’s killing you, it’s the loneliness, it’s the emptiness inside, it’s the pain you’re feeling of not being connected to anyone in a real deep level. That’s what your problem is, but you masquerade it with, “I think I want a drink, I think I’m going to get loaded, childhood issues are coming up,” but none of that’s true; but you’ve created so many lies in your life, you’ve lied to yourself so many times that you can’t even relay what you need, and that is when the greatest frustration of all in life comes when I don’t even know how to ask anymore because I don’t even know what needs help because I’ve lied to everybody and everything so many times that I can’t even find the truth in me for what I might need now. That’s accepting my devastating weakness and all it’s consequences, that I can lie to me at such a deep level that I truly don’t even know when I can trust what’s coming to me about what’s making me upset. Now go through your whole life as you realize that truth, and think of all the people who have made you upset, think of all the situations that you felt have gone wrong, think of all the societal elements that you believe are unfair, that don’t treat people right, that isn’t the right thing to do; and realize what if all those beliefs, complaints, and perceptions are coming from a lie within you, that you’ve lied to your own self to make yourself believe that those things did hurt you that way, did affect you that way when in reality those things were just another part of that lie. What was really going on is that you didn’t know how to be at peace with yourself. You didn’t know how to feel good in the world you lived in, you didn’t know how to work for anything. You didn’t know how to go through any kind of emotional pain because you wanted to run from it at any cost because you’re overly emotional sensitive. You were abnormally fearful and you can’t relay that truth and say,” I’m so abnormally fearful now, I don’t know what to do, can you help me?” So you go on and say I’m going to drink, or someone else goes on and says my relationship is killing me, I hate my job. In reality , I’m so afraid that I don’t measure up in life, what do you do with that? That’s the truth and that can be treated, and that can be looked at, but when it’s masqueraded by a lie, nobody can get to the truth of who we are.
So what do we do? We start relaying what’s in our mind to somebody in our lives, and we call that self honesty to self. I’m going to really find out who I am, and the way I’m going to find out who I am, is I’m going to really relay what’s going on in my mind; but I’m going to relay the things in my mind that I think are really not good, so that someone can help me to see where’s that coming from, what’s that about? That’s called self-honesty to self. If the real issue is, “hey I’m feeling really lonely and scared now because I don’t have somebody substantial in my life, and when I feel that or look at that, I get this desire to drink because I want to escape from that feeling of loneliness and hurt because it makes me feel like something is wrong with me or I’m not lovable.” How do I deal with that issue? Then people can get to the truth and say,” we all feel that way, and it’s a lie, it’s not true,”  and you’re building relationships where people care about you; and they can say to you things about the solution that you can hear and make you realize, “oh yeah, I forgot about all that other stuff. So again, we realize it’s a lie, I’m not alone, I’m building relationships for my life now. When I’m drinking and using, I can’t build relationships for my life. I build relationships that help to accommodate whatever situation I want to get into or get out of. Those are what my relationships become about. When you’re drinking and using, relationships are purely about survival, therefore they’re completely usurious that’s why they go away, that’s why we realize we’re all alone because those relationships had no depth to them, cause they were built on lies once again, usurious lies.
When you get into recovery, you start building relationships on truth, on sharing pain, on sharing hope, sharing joy, not just pain sharing the good life, sharing laughter; but being able to work out your pain, being able to talk your pain with somebody else, so in fact you’re not alone. Then people can deal with that issue, when you can be that kind of honest. Even though you think you’re being honest by saying your drinking, that’s just a part and it masquerades the cause, then all you can treat is the symptom again. Get to the truth, that’s what this is about, truth is about accepting my devastating weaknesses and all its consequences, is to accept that I can lie to myself on the deepest core level, even thought I’m doing everything I can, and desiring every once of me not to lie to myself on that level. Can I accept that truth? Therefore when I start feeling squirrelly, or I start doing anything that represents an unmanageable life inside of me, I reaffirm that petition with God and say, “I’m sorry God, I’m taking it back because I can feel it, and I’m re-giving it back to you to say that my life is where it’s supposed to be. Help me see the joys in it, as it is, and help me to be that man or woman who you would have me be now.” That’s how we learn to apply the principles, accepting our devastating weakness, and treating it with recognizing as that devastating weakness starts to come up, we give it to God immediately. That’s when we know we are truly accepting our devastating weakness by recognizing it sooner, rather than later, that we’re going the wrong way, and we get out of it because we cannot afford to go the wrong way with anything, anybody, any where, any time. That’s the golden rule. We must find the flow no matter what’s going on.
Have fun,
much love,
KC

Patterns

October 4, 2013

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Creating Patterns of Feeling that the Carpet was Being Pulled Out From Under Me:

We all pattern ourselves, especially in a lot of recovery, into that feeling of the carpet’s going to be pulled out from under me. I never realized until I started looking further and further into the depths of my life. Relationships were like having the carpet pulled out from under me, every time I was in a relationship, I had to look at that. As you look deeper and deeper into the layers of your life, and that carpet being pulled out from under you feeling, it permeates everywhere. It’s like I drive my car and all of a sudden I wonder, “oh my god, it is going to break down?” You’re in a relationship, things are going really good, and it’s a feeling of the carpet being pulled out from underneath me, “is she going to do this, or is he going to do that, and send me back into that feeling, and we’re going to be in break-up mode again, or in dissention again.” You go to work and all of a sudden, something goes wrong, a performance wasn’t done, it’s like, “oh, man I was feeling so good at work, and now I’ve got this black mark where the carpet’s been pulled out from under me.”

So, when you build a pattern like that, on such a deep level, consistently over and over again throughout your day, something’s going the wrong way, or you get into expectations of the way you want it to go, and it doesn’t go that way; or you almost start to feel good about it, and you call yourself a fool because now you don’t feel good about work, or that relationship, or something else in your life. You think you’re a fool because you went for it, and you gave your heart to it, gave it an emotional attachment, and you were burned again. What a feeling when you start to realize that feeling can permeate every area of your life. You can get that feeling driving down traffic in your typical drive pattern in a certain time of day, “it’s usually fast here, now it’s crowded, uh-oh I’m going to have a bad day.” It’s always the carpet’s getting pulled out from under me. We look for signs in our lives that indicate whether our day is going to go good or bad, instead of just always recognizing that’s what a way of life is, it allows you to live so that everything in life is transformed into an asset, even if it’s unpleasant. You ultimately learn that you can grow from it, therefore there is no more wrong, and there is no more bad when you realize that everything can be transcended into an asset; transformed because that’s what’s got to happen anyway. Like when people die in your life, and you think I’ll never get over that, then the day comes when you’ve not forgotten about it, but you’re not in so much pain about it anymore. You know, things have changed, and it’s transformed. So, ultimately, no matter what the experience, no matter how bad it is in anyone’s life, ultimately you’re going to get to the point where it was what it was, and now what’s it going to be? Now what am I going to do with it because no longer do I have to run around and feel like that’s just the way it’s going to keep on being, every time something goes good, something’s going to come along to change it, and take it away from me.

No, with a way of life, that feeling, you have to become aware of it and treat it. You have to develop an awareness about that feeling in me when I’m walking through my life, looking for some sign to indicate that things are going to go the wrong way, and then if my mind tells me there is a sign, I start backing it with emotion, and I get flat or I get sick, or I get unhappy, or I get depressed, or I get sad and I don’t know why. It’s like Bill Wilson wrote about, it’s a false dependency on something. I’ve become falsely dependent on everything. I’ve even become, in a weird, perverted sort of way, falsely dependent on things going wrong, and that’s the ultimate twist. Think about that, when I’m more inclined to think the carpet’s being pulled out from under me, even way before it happens. I can’t handle anything good because the minute things get good, I start thinking is the carpet going to get pulled out from under me, and that is a hell of a spot to get to. Getting out of it is something we can do one day at a time. One application at a time, when we find ourselves looking for the carpet to get removed, say “un-uh, I can’t wait for the next great thing to happen according to the grace of God in my life. In God’s world, when you don’t think it can get any better, as long as you stay with God and trust in God, it keeps getting better all the time. Believe that anything is possible in God’s world, and that you can transcend everything with God; as the way it’s supposed to be, otherwise it wouldn’t have gone that way. So, no more of the carpet being pulled out from under us.

Much love,
KC